


my soul will always lie with you

by grayveyard



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22317658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayveyard/pseuds/grayveyard
Summary: they always pick the prettiest flower.
Relationships: Settsu Banri/Tsukioka Tsumugi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	my soul will always lie with you

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi im back djskjdks hope u enjoy even just the slightest uwu
> 
> thanking ali and lau ( @tarochiizu ) for helping me out a lot :RikuMofu:

" _Banri-kun, hi.._ " 

Banri felt his heart clench at the sight of that smile. that seemingly worn out smile that has been plastered on his face for far too long. His face looks drained, cheeks hollow from lack of nutrients. His eyes seemed to have lost the sparkle they once had, his body heaving painfully as his chest rise up ever so slowly from stuttering breaths.

At least, those were what Banri noticed as he looked at him.

"Hey…"

It was an automatic response. His lips moved reflexively to greet him back, only for them to close again.

" _Hi! you're finally able to find this, I'm somewhat proud_ ," 

It felt as if the male knew what he would say. Banri couldn't stop the low, short chuckle escaping from his lips. The words he uttered caused a smile to appear on Banri's lips, his chest somehow swelling with pride for the older male.

Though, the smile vanished right after the atmosphere around Tsumugi changed. it was a miserable feeling for Banri, borderline painful, even. He wanted to scoop up the older into a big hug right there and then.

" _Which, for sure, could only mean two things._ " 

His breaths were caught up on his throat. "For sure, yeah.." Banri choked on his own words. He tried his best to look right into the other's eyes, trying to at least find a _life_ in there, or at the very least, _hope_. 

But it was all for naught.

His eyes lost all the light they once had. No more of those soft twinkle. No more of the slight crinkle whenever he laughed. No more _him_. The pair of eyes he saw on the screen were filled with struggle.

The struggle to be happy in front of Banri, to keep existing just for him.

To stay alive.

Trying to look right into his eyes was a really bad decision on Banri's part. the sight of his lover crumbling was too much for him.

But he wants to do this. Be _needs_ to.

" _One of it would mean that I am no longer with you, this time, it's forever._ " 

The words Tsumugi uttered stabbed him. It felt like a slow torture, like someone was rubbing salt on his wounds over and over. His expression didn't change, more or less. but his heart was a different story.

His breathing came out ragged, chest heaving harshly, he felt his pulse quicken. Someone might ask: "why?" and he wouldn't really know the answer to it.

Maybe because this reality wasn't something that he wanted to happen. Something that he wished would never happen. something that he denied and swept under the rug once too many times.

Banri honestly didn't know how he hasn't shed even a single tear. Although, knowing fully well how Tsumugi was, he would always _try_ to act strong. Tsumugi never wanted to burden him. And Banri hates that, because he wants to be relied on by the older. He noticed his chest still rising up and down heavily.

That surely wasn't how it was just moments ago. He thought he quelled it.

" _I love you, Banri-kun. I really do._ " 

"Fuck—" Banri wasn't one to cry that easily. He's not the type to let himself do that. But this moment was one where he really just need a hug from someone. From _Tsumugi_.

He harshly rubbed his face with the sleeve of his sweater, trying his best to not block the view of the male on the screen. Though the view of Tsumugi, visibly shaking trying to contain his tears, just made Banri's worse. Tsumugi started to speak again, and Banri listened to him intently, his voice was cracking.

" _I'm sorry that I'm a burden to you. If it weren't for me you'd be able to pursue your dreams. You'd be able to live a normal life where no sick person is holding you back. I'm really sorry—_ " 

Banri stopped himself from listening to Tsumugi. He didn't want him to say those. He didn't want him to feel as if he was a burden when he was not. He was far from a burden, and everything _but_ a burden.

If only he could put his arms around Tsumugi, whispering sweet nothings into his ears, full of promises of forever,

If only.

" _You’ll always be a part of me, but I’m sorry if me being a part of you has done more harm than good._ " 

"God dammit shut up.. Tsumugi-san that's—" Banri wanted him to stop. Banri doesn't want to hear any of that. He never wanted Tsumugi to think about the possibilities of Banri _not_ making him his top priority, Banri wanted the older male to know that he's always his top priority.

Is it too late to say that? He knows it was.

" _I know! I know you don't want to hear all this but.. But it's just how I feel okay, so please.. Just.. Hear me out._ " 

Banri stayed quiet. If _this_ were to happen right now, this would be the part where Banri will just hug Tsumugi and never let him go, to shut him up and smother him with love.

" _You showed me so much in the moments we spent together, you gave me so much love that I don't even deserve, you gave me a reason to fight this stupid disease. You're my reason, Banri-kun. and I'm very, very grateful for that. Thank you._ " 

Banri _loathed_ every single word that came from Tsumugi afterwards.

" _I'm sorry I couldn't give anything in return. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'm sorry if this me wasn't enough for you. I— Banri-kun, I'm sorry for being selfish. You could've had your own life if it weren't for me being like this._ " 

Banri didn't realize his finger was hovering over the mute button. The next thing he realized was that he could no longer hear his lover, and that Tsumugi had this lovely aura around him.

It was… soft, inviting, calming, and soothing, even.

Muting the audio may just be the right decision.

But Banri wanted that to be _here_. Banri wanted _Tsumugi_ to be here. He couldn't stand how the shoulders of the older didn't stop shaking, he couldn't stand how the older _still_ wanted to look strong, he couldn't stand the fact that Tsumugi was just there.

Just there, away from him.

The younger, when noticing how Tsumugi looked as if he's laughing, turned the volume back on.

Oh how he missed that laugh. That cute laugh that could even pass for a giggle.

" _Ahaha I'm sorry.. That was a really long rant. I'm sorry._ " 

"You're still saying sorry," Banri scoffed, he let out a chuckle. Was it forced? Even Banri himself couldn't tell. "It's alright.. Tsumugi-san, I chose this life, and it's my responsibility to bear. You shouldn't even have to say sor—"

" _Well! Moving on from that topic_ ,"

Ah.

Right. It's just a video. Tsumugi isn't here. Tsumugi will never be here anymore.

the younger male wiped the tears that burst out. "Just.. Stop please," He whispered to himself. He willed all his strength to not cry. At least, not until the video is finished. Not until Tsumugi's not _looking_ at him.

" _If you're still... well if I'm still at the hospital, and you somehow found this while going through our wardrobe, then.._ "

Banri let out a small laugh at that, "How would you even know if I went through our wardrobe.."

The Tsumugi on Banri's screen laughed. It hurts.

It's painful to know, the feel of them together, touching flesh to flesh. Instead of.. like _this_. Banri brushed it off.

" _You would go through it haha_ ,"

Acknowledging his lover's words, Banri nodded.

He will miss this. He will watch this, at every given time he's allowed to.

" _Well, if that's the case then.. Please don't give up on me._ "

If that's the case.

Banri really _really_ wished it was the case.

He couldn't stand to look at the screen anymore, memories of them together flooded his head. He wished it didn't.

He really didn't need to remember how the older would look when he's enjoying the coffee he brewed for the first time. He really didn't need to remember how the size of his shirt would be a little bit too big for Tsumugi's frail body. He really didn't need to remember the weird banter they had about deciding what to name the newly bloomed flower at the garden.

He didn't need to.

" _I'll always love you, Banri-kun_ ,"

His head ringed. His eyes weren't even on the screen, but Banri could tell Tsumugi was smiling on him. The smile that would always tell him how everything's going to be just _fine_.

The brunette buried his face in his hands, tears escaping from his eyes as hiccups started to form in his throat. "I'll always love you more, Tsumugi-san."

_**CLICK.** _

The recording stopped.


End file.
